August updates

How strange it seems that August is almost over, and with it summer. Not that we get much of a 'summer' in the typical sense, but I do love the long light nights, the greenery and the milder temperatures. This year seems to have flown by!

A couple of little updates - my girlfriend has moved in with me temporarily, which is really fun. I've never lived with anyone before but I'm really enjoying it. She'll only be here for a couple of months until she saves up for her own place but it's still a nice 'trial' for the future!

We are also cat-sitting for my flatmate's sister so we have a little bundle of fun called Bailey for a few weeks. Last time she was visiting us she did a little naughty poo on my bed quilt, so this time my door is staying firmly closed!!!

I've been doing a bit of freelance work lately in an effort to get some more money and expand my skills. It's going quite well and I hope to keep it up.

And finally, I'm away to Bulgaria next week for 8 days. Unfortunately it's more of a 'work' trip than a holiday, as we're dealing with some family stuff but hopefully we'll get some nice evenings out inbetween. Also it's sunny! I'll get my Vit D in before the long dark Scottish winter begins..

Adventures

This weekend we had some lovely weather (for once!) so myself and a few friends went for a wee road trip to the countryside. We visited an abandoned Ironworks factory and steam railway. I'd seen the location in a BMX video last year and really fancied visiting it myself (although without a BMX!!)

We had a great time exploring the old buildings and trains. It's quite sad to think of how many people must've worked in the place for so long and now it's falling apart. Although it is strangely appealing in its decay. Here are a few photos I took:































Also if anyone's interested, here is the BMX video shot there. The rider is a mad fellow! Amazing stuff:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ShbC5yVqOdI

It's been a while

I haven't posted much lately. No particular reason for this, apart from I've been busy with life. Work is non stop, but I have a new attitude where I don't let it stress me out. I just do what I can! My RA is doing great just now so I'm enjoying the break and thinking about it as little as possible. The summer in Scotland so far has been a total washout, worst summer we've had in ages. Here's hoping we'll get a little sunshine in August!

I really have nothing to say..haha. I'm so boring!! Sorry readers. I'll try to do something interesting soon. Maybe I'll go skydiving or something. Or wrestle some alligators.

The future

Thinking over the topic of my previous post, I've realised that worrying about what my next career step will be is a great thing.

2 and a half years ago when I was diagnosed I thought my future was over and anytime I thought about anything past 'tomorrow' I started to panic. This lasted a long time, and then sort of morphed into an attitude of 'nothing really matters, I'm just going to try and enjoy myself because who knows how long I will have to do these things'. Now my mindset seems to have changed again, and I am thinking about where I'm going with my life and my career and making goals for myself.

It means I must think that there is a point in planning for the future. What a turnaround, and despite the flare I had a couple of months ago! It's happened so slowly that I've barely noticed. I have no idea what I'm going to end up doing but just the knowledge that I am capable of thinking positively for the future and making plans now makes me happy.

Decisions decisions

I'm having a bit of a weird freak out. I'm so bad at making any sort of decision! As you probably know I work as a photographer for a big UK fashion retailer. I've been there 3 years, the job is pretty good but there are a lot of issues as well. It's a 45 minute commute from the city I live in and also I'm not sure of how far I can progress long term. The pay's not great. So I was a bit fed up on Friday and I was searching through job vacancies and I found basically the perfect sounding job for me. One issue - it's in Berlin!!

For about an hour I got really excited, I love Berlin. I was all ready for applying, but then I started freaking out. First of all, all my family and friends are here and I actually do have a really great life in Scotland. I can't really stand the thought of being so far from my mum, we're really close. Second of all, I have a great hospital and doctor for my RA and I have no idea what would happen with that if I moved or if I could handle the stress of moving and having RA. And third of all, it's scary and I don't like change. Hahaha.

But I love Berlin, I have 3 friends who live over there so I would know some people. The weather is WAY better and I'd probably get to learn new things about photography, maybe even to speak German.

I know I should apply but I am such a chicken. All these 'what ifs' running around in my head. I don't know what to do! I know most people would probably say 'go for it!' but I think having RA has really shaken up my confidence about these things. At the moment I'm settled, if I need time off my job gives me that. I'm close to my support network. But then I don't want my illness to hold me back either. OH I JUST DON'T KNOW!

They probably wouldn't hire me anyway haha. Freaking out over nothing, as per usual.

A bit of a fail

It's been a bit of a funny week. As with anything RA-related, the only thing you can be sure of is that it's always going to surprise you. Last time I had a steroid injection it worked like magic - no pain, and the swelling disappeared within 2 days and stayed away for a year and a half. This time it's been pretty tough, with the injection causing a steroid flare and MEGA increase of pain for a few days and not really bringing the instant relief I was hoping for. Today, 5 days post-injection I sort of feel like I'm heading in the right direction but it's really not been plain sailing and I'm not sure if it will work properly. I do feel a bit better today but I don't know if it will continue to improve or if this is it. I guess I have to wait and see. I don't understand how it can be so different from one time to the next. What's changed?? I hate this disease.

I have a check up appointment on the 13th June so I guess I will see how I am by then and discuss my options with the doctor. I guess the positive is that apart from the damn hand I feel well, so that's something to be very grateful about.

I am also very grateful for my girlfriend. I've been quite down lately, as I tend to be when I flare (thoughts of impending DOOM tend to descend upon me during these times - I can be very dramatic!). Last time I flared I was single and did my usual routine of crying, feeling sorry for myself and retreating into my room. This time I've taken a different approach and just tried not to spend much time on my own at all. I avoid thinking, because thinking leads to worrying. I have just been spending all my time with my girlfriend who is very understanding of my problems but also very good at cheering me up and making me laugh. I can't believe how much a hug can help me when I feel at my lowest. It's really nice to have some support this time around.

Hmm

I had my injection yesterday (no numbing cream this time, I'm a big brave girl!) and all seemed fine. Today, however, was pretty unpleasant. I had to go to work mega early and straight away I knew it was going to be bad. My finger was so sore that any contact with it resulted in a loud OUCH. Even not moving the hand, I still had that nasty deep ache that just won't budge. The muscle pain radiated up to my wrist. Lets not even talk about when I would accidentally bend it a little. Wow-wee. It was a fun morning editing photographs, for sure. 10 points to me for creative holding of computer editing tools. How do some of you do this with not one, but 10 fingers constantly in this state? I have massive respect!! Anyway I dosed up on the pain-dullers and thankfully it seems to have passed. Apparently 'an increase of pain' can happen for about a day after a steroid injection. NO KIDDING. All good now though, back to acceptable levels of discomfort. So now I just sit and wait and hopefully tomorrow a little miracle will occur and I will see my knuckle. If it works, it'll totally be worth it.

On a side note, I've been reading some fun books lately. "Confessions of a GP" by Benjamin Daniels and "In Stitches" by Neil Edwards. Both are books by doctors who have compiled a series of thoughts, real life stories and general musings on the medical profession in which they work every day. Both have been very enjoyable reads, especially "Confessions of a GP". Very interesting if you are based in the UK, as it explains a lot of the frustrations and bureaucratic processes of the system. As a chronic patient, it's interesting to get a glimpse into the minds of those treating us. Plus, they're both really funny writers. Both books are available for the Kindle (my new love!), for a bargain price of something like 99p, so check them out if you have the time.