Sunday, 10 June 2012

Decisions decisions

I'm having a bit of a weird freak out. I'm so bad at making any sort of decision! As you probably know I work as a photographer for a big UK fashion retailer. I've been there 3 years, the job is pretty good but there are a lot of issues as well. It's a 45 minute commute from the city I live in and also I'm not sure of how far I can progress long term. The pay's not great. So I was a bit fed up on Friday and I was searching through job vacancies and I found basically the perfect sounding job for me. One issue - it's in Berlin!!

For about an hour I got really excited, I love Berlin. I was all ready for applying, but then I started freaking out. First of all, all my family and friends are here and I actually do have a really great life in Scotland. I can't really stand the thought of being so far from my mum, we're really close. Second of all, I have a great hospital and doctor for my RA and I have no idea what would happen with that if I moved or if I could handle the stress of moving and having RA. And third of all, it's scary and I don't like change. Hahaha.

But I love Berlin, I have 3 friends who live over there so I would know some people. The weather is WAY better and I'd probably get to learn new things about photography, maybe even to speak German.

I know I should apply but I am such a chicken. All these 'what ifs' running around in my head. I don't know what to do! I know most people would probably say 'go for it!' but I think having RA has really shaken up my confidence about these things. At the moment I'm settled, if I need time off my job gives me that. I'm close to my support network. But then I don't want my illness to hold me back either. OH I JUST DON'T KNOW!

They probably wouldn't hire me anyway haha. Freaking out over nothing, as per usual.