Diary 2

On a lighter note, here's something else I found in my diary from 2009. I think I'd just broken up with my ex and had a series of bad dates.

The entry is titled "Upon reflection of recent disasters, here is what I am looking for..is it too much to ask for?!:"


1. NOT insane (insanity covering: strange mood swings, long periods of not talking, playing mind games, asking strange questions, self harming, depression, self obsession, clingy behaviour, paranoia, inability to commit)

2. Funny

3. Fairy attractive and a good dresser

4. Smart but not too 'i think i know everything and i love to talk about boring shit' smart

5. Book lover

6. Likes to travel

7. Likes to have a laugh and not pretend to be someone they're not

8. Good cook

9. Has some sort of ambition

10. Actually likes me and finds me attractive but doesnt obsess. Likes me just the right amount.

11. Likes cats

That's all I can think of just now.


Haha. Man, almost 2 years on and I am STILL single and STILL having terrible terrible dates. Maybe I have to shorten my list and settle for a fat slob who can at least cook and has a cat?

Diary

Today I happened to read through my diary which I kept when I was going through the months of diagnosis (december to march). I can't believe how depressed and scared I was. Well, I can. Because it's a scary and depressing thing to go through. But it almost seems I've blocked a lot of it out, so it's amazing to be able to read through a diary from that time. It's also really interesting to read about the development of my symptoms. I know that I am a lot better now, but reading through all that made me realise just how incredibly better I am.

There's a lot about waking up at night with fevers and muscle pains and pins and needles. No wonder I was freaked out. There was one particular entry which talks about how upset I got when I was coming home from work and decided to go to the supermarket and by the time I'd finished my shopping my feet were really sore and I got really frustrated and upset with myself. That must've been a 15 - 20 minute walk at the most. Wow. It's weird but it's almost like I've blocked all that out. When I read it back I do remember it, but it's a bit like it happened to another person, or a horrible nightmare.

I don't know if the plaquenil is helping (I'm now on week 11 so it should be starting to kick in..hmm), or if the past 6 months have just been a natural almost-remission but whatever it is, I'm grateful not to be in that state anymore. It's scary to think I might go back there one day, or that it actually could be much much worse. But for now I'm going to enjoy being fit and well and hopefully this winter will be much better than the last.

Stupidity

Forgot to write about this!! It made me laugh.

At my friend's wedding on Saturday I was talking to this woman in her late 20s about my bike ride the next day. She asked who I was fundraising for and I replied that it was for Arthritis Care.

To which she said: "Awwww... that's sooo nice. I've always wanted to, like, help old people."

Ahahahaaaaaaa. I really wanted to tell her I AM one of those 'old people' with arthritis. But causing a scene at my friend's wedding didn't seem worth it just to see the horrified expression on her face.

Bike ride

Well yesterday was my 51 mile bike ride from Glasgow to Edinburgh!

I can report that I survived and have raised about £300 for Arthritis Care. The weather was absolutely beautiful, 9000 people took part in the ride and we couldn't have asked for better. The route was a steady uphill for the first 15-20 miles and then it had long fast downhills and only little uphills (which was good because by the end I could barely pedal on the flat, let alone uphill!!).

I was actually fine and full of energy until about 40 miles in. We had a long stop at 30 miles in to get food and refreshments. The last 7-8 miles were a real struggle but it felt absolutely amazing to finish.

The past week my hip and right foot had been a bit grumpy and achy, nothing major but I was worried a big cycle wouldn't do them much good. I'd also been at a friend's wedding in England on Friday/Saturday and flew back Saturday night so I didn't feel very rested. However, not a peep from the hip or foot yesterday or today. This disease is so weird and unpredictable, sometimes in a good way!

The only casualty was one swollen finger joint, I think from gripping the gears, but that's better today. So, overall... not too bad!!! I've got the day off work today and I'm just going to sit in bed. My muscles are pretty sore but I feel great!

Here's some pics.. I look like a total idiot in that helmet/leggings combo but whatever ;)

The start of the race:


Stopping for a break:


View in Linlithgow:


Tired? Me?


The finish


Looking horrible and sweaty, but got our medals!!

Work

Ugh have I ever mentioned that I HATE one of my bosses? I know everyone has a boss that they hate, but this one is the epitome of the bad boss stereotype. He's a bully, immature, a show off, an attention seeker, has an uncontrollable temper, patronises people below him and at the same time hides a lot of these traits when more senior members are around.

It infuriates me and today he again spoke to me like I'm a naughty 5 year old, when I haven't actually done anything wrong. I try to ignore him most of the time but ocassionally our paths cross and every single time I come out of those meetings wanting to punch things. Like today.

Ok...calm...breathe. :)

Stress is not good for RA. I think I should tell my doctor to surgically remove my boss from my life, then I'll have a lot less stress!!!

Weather

What's going on with the weather? It's been sunny and warm since like..Last Saturday. That's right, folks. Sunshine for 7 days in a row. I'm starting to get freaked out, but really really enjoying it.

This must be what it's like to live in a place with a normal summer.