I haven't posted for a while, but I've been in a bit of a weird place.
Nothing new going on with the arthritis, taking my pills and feeling generally fine and not seeing the rheumatologist until October.
So why is it that I'm feeling oh-so-blue?
For the first 6 months after diagnosis I think arthritis is all I thought about. I still think about it a couple of times a day, and some days more than others but it's often not the most overwhelming thought in my head. So that's good.
However, now that I've had a good few months and I've been feeling more 'normal', I've kinda realised how terribly bored I am of the way my life has been going.
When I'm not dealing with hospital appointments, or aching joints or whatever else RA decides to throw at me, all I think about is work. I work all the time and I do love my job but I'm starting to get sick of just work/arthritis, work/arthritis.
I don't mean to say I stay home every night, in fact quite the opposite. I'm a very outgoing person with a large circle of friends and I have lots of hobbies. However, it's been the same hobbies, the same friends, the same bars, for about two years.
I've also been single for two years which is really getting to me lately. I stopped dating when the RA started and recently began again, so I've just been reminded of how much more there is to life. I am 24 and I feel about 40, settled in a routine and all medicated up. I feel like I shouldn't be wasting time just working away or worrying about my health. I want some fun and excitement, something out of the ordinary to distract me from dull every day thoughts.
I guess everyone feels like that at some point, but I think because arthritis had taken up so much of my headspace lately I didn't quite realise it until now. The question is.. what am I going to do about it?
I know how you feel...I work at the Arthritis Foundation (and love it) and I have RA, so sometimes I just want to scream and not hear that word for at least 1 day!!
ReplyDeleteI suggest finding a new hobby, like sewing, knitting, musical instrument playing {these are on my wish list, along with photography}, etc. Something you have always wanted to try, but put off, maybe, because of arthritis or just life in general. Or take a fun class somewhere. Do you have community colleges there? {Hubby wants us to take a German class together at the local community college this fall or next spring}. Or volunteer somewhere. {I have been wanting to do more with Boston Buddies, a Boston Terrier rescue here in CA, but never seem to have time...but planning to this Fall, for sure. Also, I am planning on volunteering with Suicide Prevention sometime soon, as well}.
Wow, didn't realize I related so well to this post until I started to answer it!!
Hope it helps a little.
I know that headspace and I've learned that it means you're getting better. It's like when you have the flu and you start getting bored because you're well enough to want to do something but not quite well enough yet to have the energy. This means you're about to have the energy, so you can spend the next little while trying to figure what you want to do. Of course, that's the thing, isn't it? What to do, what to do...
ReplyDeleteis there something you've always wanted to do, but never had the chance to because you were too busy with responsibility or feeling like crap? Maybe now's the time to make a dream come true.
Jenn, there are soo many things like that I want to do! I think you're right, instead of sitting on my computer most nights I should just try to do one new thing a week and see what I enjoy. I just really want to meet new people as well.. that's probably the main thing. Hope you get to start your German class, I did a bit at school and enjoyed it! Thanks for the ideas :)
ReplyDeleteLene, you're right, I am feeling better and now I feel like I need to do something worthwhile. I know it could all be taken away from me so quickly, I don't want to waste my time feeling stuck and uninspired. Small steps, I think.. hopefully I'll figure it out!
I completely understand what you are talking about. I just passed my six month mark since my diagnosis and the doctor says things look good enough to push my appointments farther apart.
ReplyDeleteUntil recently, it felt like all my time was taken up by lab tests, appointments, or just feeling awful. The pain is better but the fatigue is still a problem and I spend all my energy on my job or thinking about being sick.
My days all feel the same - work, read, spend time with the hubby and pets. Don't get me wrong, it's a good life, but I am only 30!
I need to push myself to get out more or try something new. I think I will make a list of things I would love to do / places I would love to go today.
Thanks for letting me know I am not by myself in this!