Ok. This finger flare is getting out of control - can barely move at the DIP and PIP joints at all and all the tendons are massively inflamed. It looks like a german sausage. Strangely not that painful, but completely useless and almost stuck in a half bent position.
I have an appointment tomorrow with my rheumatologst and I highly suspect she'll inject steroids into it.
I am pretty terrified, never had this done but can't imagine it's pleasant. Will let you know how it goes. Merry Christmas to me!
Wednesday, 22 December 2010
Sunday, 19 December 2010
Positivity
I've been posting a lot lately but I guess with this flare RA is really on my mind.
Lately I've been thinking about positivity and my own attitude towards life. I am not a positive person and never have been. I seem to always worry about things and assume the worst will happen, even though most of the time things tend to work out ok and my life is pretty amazing apart from the RA.
So I guess it's a mystery why I am so fortunate in many ways, yet I remain a pessimist. I try hard to overcome this as I feel it's causing me endless hours of misery which are self inflicted and unnecessary. I also project a very strong, happy image of myself and unless you know me well you would think I was a very outgoing, cheerful person. In reality I spend a lot of my 'alone' time stewing over things and generally being a grumpy git.
To be fair, in the last year I know I've changed in the way that I dont tend to worry or stew over the 'little' things as much. That is one positive change. But instead I spend my days worrying about my disease. I feel this is especially true in the winter where I have less motivation to go out and do things to distract myself. The last couple of months I've really felt myself sinking back into a bit of a depression although not nearly as bad as when I was diagnosed.
I think with RA in my life, I really need to work on this and find a way to change. So much easier said than done. I need to stop seeing things in black and white. I also need to stop throwing myself pity parties and think less about myself. When I start thinking these types of 'negative' thoughts I need to somehow be able to cut myself off and do something else.
Has anyone else struggled with this? I know everyone with RA struggles with worries about the future, how could we not? But some are just positive people naturaly and perhaps others have life experience which has taught them how to be positive. I hope I can become the latter. Any ideas how??
Lately I've been thinking about positivity and my own attitude towards life. I am not a positive person and never have been. I seem to always worry about things and assume the worst will happen, even though most of the time things tend to work out ok and my life is pretty amazing apart from the RA.
So I guess it's a mystery why I am so fortunate in many ways, yet I remain a pessimist. I try hard to overcome this as I feel it's causing me endless hours of misery which are self inflicted and unnecessary. I also project a very strong, happy image of myself and unless you know me well you would think I was a very outgoing, cheerful person. In reality I spend a lot of my 'alone' time stewing over things and generally being a grumpy git.
To be fair, in the last year I know I've changed in the way that I dont tend to worry or stew over the 'little' things as much. That is one positive change. But instead I spend my days worrying about my disease. I feel this is especially true in the winter where I have less motivation to go out and do things to distract myself. The last couple of months I've really felt myself sinking back into a bit of a depression although not nearly as bad as when I was diagnosed.
I think with RA in my life, I really need to work on this and find a way to change. So much easier said than done. I need to stop seeing things in black and white. I also need to stop throwing myself pity parties and think less about myself. When I start thinking these types of 'negative' thoughts I need to somehow be able to cut myself off and do something else.
Has anyone else struggled with this? I know everyone with RA struggles with worries about the future, how could we not? But some are just positive people naturaly and perhaps others have life experience which has taught them how to be positive. I hope I can become the latter. Any ideas how??
Friday, 17 December 2010
ihatepeople
Boss at work today walks up to my desk and notices my pen that I use for editing in Photoshop.
Boss: "Whoa! Look at the way you hold that pen!"
(note, I currently hold my pen between my pointer and middle fingers, which I started doing a few months ago after a flare in my thumb. And now my pointer finger is a big swollen mess so I can't lean the pen on it so this is the only way to work. anyway...)
Me: "Yes."
Boss: "Ha, it looks like a CLAW the way you're gripping that!!"
Me: "(Silence)"
Boss: "Ha..you don't seem to like that.." *walks away pleased with his little joke.*
Ugh. Yes. A claw. Great choice of words. Because it's not like I've spent countless restless nights having nightmares about ending up an old woman with twisted claw-like hands. Thanks, boss. He knows I have arthritis too, but it seems he has forgotten. Ignorant ass.
Boss: "Whoa! Look at the way you hold that pen!"
(note, I currently hold my pen between my pointer and middle fingers, which I started doing a few months ago after a flare in my thumb. And now my pointer finger is a big swollen mess so I can't lean the pen on it so this is the only way to work. anyway...)
Me: "Yes."
Boss: "Ha, it looks like a CLAW the way you're gripping that!!"
Me: "(Silence)"
Boss: "Ha..you don't seem to like that.." *walks away pleased with his little joke.*
Ugh. Yes. A claw. Great choice of words. Because it's not like I've spent countless restless nights having nightmares about ending up an old woman with twisted claw-like hands. Thanks, boss. He knows I have arthritis too, but it seems he has forgotten. Ignorant ass.
Thursday, 16 December 2010
Letter to myself
Dear RA,
Ok, we had a lovely summer, peacefully ignoring each other's paths. I've also tolerated your relatively feeble yet persistant attack on my foot for the past 2 months. I'm a patient woman and I thought we could keep our peace treaty. But now that you've decided to again overstep your bounds and attack my pointer finger (which I need, quite a lot, thank you very much!) I am officially at war with you again.
I don't know what you're playing at, doing this just before Christmas, but if you don't back off by Monday I will be calling Dr A and then you'll be sorry.
BYE.
no kind regards,
A very angry and slightly upset Squirrel
Ok, we had a lovely summer, peacefully ignoring each other's paths. I've also tolerated your relatively feeble yet persistant attack on my foot for the past 2 months. I'm a patient woman and I thought we could keep our peace treaty. But now that you've decided to again overstep your bounds and attack my pointer finger (which I need, quite a lot, thank you very much!) I am officially at war with you again.
I don't know what you're playing at, doing this just before Christmas, but if you don't back off by Monday I will be calling Dr A and then you'll be sorry.
BYE.
no kind regards,
A very angry and slightly upset Squirrel
Monday, 13 December 2010
Anti inflamms
Ok, so after a stubborn 2 month wait for this sort of mini flare in my foot to go away, I'm finally giving in. I'm going to give the anti inflammatories my rheumy gave me last time a go.
It's Etodolac (Lodine). The reason Im not keen on taking them is, first of all, I like a wee drink and I dont think those mix well with alcohol in the stomach. Second of all, the flares dont happen every day so I wonder if there's any point taking the pills every day.
So here's my question - how do these anti inflamms work? Are they like DMARDs which take a while to build up, or are they meant to be instant relief (within a couple of hours i mean)?
If they're meant to be instant relief, then there's no point me taking them because they dont make a difference. I tried naproxen before too and it didnt work.
But maybe I'm meant to take them for a long period of time??
Any advice would be greatly appreciated, I forgot to ask my doctor. :)
It's Etodolac (Lodine). The reason Im not keen on taking them is, first of all, I like a wee drink and I dont think those mix well with alcohol in the stomach. Second of all, the flares dont happen every day so I wonder if there's any point taking the pills every day.
So here's my question - how do these anti inflamms work? Are they like DMARDs which take a while to build up, or are they meant to be instant relief (within a couple of hours i mean)?
If they're meant to be instant relief, then there's no point me taking them because they dont make a difference. I tried naproxen before too and it didnt work.
But maybe I'm meant to take them for a long period of time??
Any advice would be greatly appreciated, I forgot to ask my doctor. :)
Friday, 10 December 2010
Perfect Day
Today was one of those wondeful days where I could almost forget I have RA. The only reason I was reminded of it was because I'm so thankful.
I mean, don't get me wrong. Compared with a LOT of people, my symptoms are nothing. I don't even really know what proper RA is like. But still, most days, I know there's something not quite right.
Today, however, was wonderful. My hands weren't stiff when I woke up, I had no aches and pains all day and I danced and stood on my feet for hours without any problem at all.
I am so thankful for this day.
That's all.
I mean, don't get me wrong. Compared with a LOT of people, my symptoms are nothing. I don't even really know what proper RA is like. But still, most days, I know there's something not quite right.
Today, however, was wonderful. My hands weren't stiff when I woke up, I had no aches and pains all day and I danced and stood on my feet for hours without any problem at all.
I am so thankful for this day.
That's all.
Wednesday, 8 December 2010
Snowed in
Well it's another 'snow day' off from work. The photo above is actually from central Scotland the past few days.
The weather's been crazy, we had 3 snow days last week and it looks like we won't be able to go back to the office until friday. The motorways are closed in parts and there's ice and deep snow everywhere.
Trying to work from home but it's difficult as my laptop is pretty slow and cant handle the photo and video editng software I use for work.
It's -14 C outside and it's almost lunchtime. Insane. It's never this cold here, never!
My poor feet are suffering a bit lately but I'm just thankful it's not my hands.
Oh well.. day in bed.. can't really complain!
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