Ok, I know that RA makes us all feel a little crazy sometimes.
Tonight is one of those times.
Before I tell you my story, I want to state that I know 100% that my disease is real and that my symptoms aren't in my head. But sometimes, like tonight, the thought does cross my mind.
Ok so, I was out with friends for a birthday night out. We went to dinner, then a bar, then a club. I was fine until about an hour and a half into the club (where there were no seats) and I could start to feel my right foot toes tingling, which for me means...uh oh..swollen toes are coming very soon. So I waited a bit, it was getting worse, so I made my excuses to leave.
Nothing strange so far..BUT..the reason I'm really confused is this. 2 days ago I was in London with work, on a fashion shoot. I spent all day in airports, then on my feet for about 6 hours filming, then airports again. And it was only in the airport queue for security on the way home that I noticed anything funny about my feet.
Where as tonight, all it took was an hour and a half. Yes, of course the disease varies from day to day, I know this. But what confuses me is this - I was REALLY bored tonight in the club. The music was crap, the chat was crap and I just didn't want to be there. On the shoot, I was having a blast and was really busy working and not really thinking about anything else.
So....even though I KNOW it's silly and it's not in my head.. is it any wonder that sometimes I question myself?? I can't help but notice a pattern...if I really want to do something and I'm enjoying myself I get through it better. If I'm bored and want to go home anyway, my foot seems to swell more.
I don't know what to make of it. Am I unconsciously using my RA as an excuse to leave things I don't want to do? Or is it just a coincidence that my flares happen during dull nights out? I'm definitely not imagining the flares. But I wonder if somehow I pay attention to them more when I'm not having fun. I think I'm going mad. Oh well! Stupid disease.