Mother

It's been raining every day since I got back from Berlin, it's ridiculous. I hate winter!!!

My mum came through to Glasgow to visit me the other night and we went out for a nice meal and got quite tipsy on lovely wine. It was nice to see her, as always, but interestingly we had a chat about my arthritis. Not a very in depth chat, but more than we have for about 6 months. She asked how 'my hands' are (she never says arthritis, it's always my 'hands'). I told her about my dodgy foot lately and how I think it's settling down a bit and then told her about my recent rheumatology appointment. She took it all in and said to me: 'Don't think I'm not worried if I don't talk about it, because I am. It's just I know there's nothing I can do to help apart from be there for you. I'm glad you have a good doctor.'

And then FINALLY, she said she had an appointment with her GP next week to ask her to run blood tests for RA. You see, for about 3 and a half years my mum's had problems with her legs. She had some swelling in her knee and ankle a while back and just general pain. She gets quite stiff as well and I'm totally convinced she has arthritis too. Only question is whether it's osteo or rheumatoid and since I have rheumatoid I'm guessing she might too. Her doctors have been quite useless so far, just giving her insoles for her shoes and what not. But I guess since she's 57 and it's her lower body they'd automatically assume osteo.

Thing about my mother is, she's horrifically stubborn. She never complains and she concentrates on other people. She runs about like a headless chicken doing a thousand things and I've been getting on at her for about a year to go to the doctor and ask about blood tests. I get so worried about her but she just shrugs it off. She's the opposite of me, I panic at the slightest health problem and need to go sort it right away. She prefers to ignore it. Both extremes are bad in their own way.

I don't know if I hope it's osteo or rheumatoid. At least with rheumatoid there are treatments she can try. But at the same time I wouldn't want to see my mum in the same horrible situation as me, taking lots of drugs and god knows what. But the point is, she definitely has something going on and it's not going away and in the past year I've become quite pragmatic about these things. No point hiding away, you gotta stand up for yourself and face your fear head on.

I think the thought of my ma having RA upsets me more than me having it. Even though she's not diagnosed with anything she has a lot more problems than I do with stiffness and pain and at least I'm an energetic young thing, I feel like I'm pretty fit and have more energy to battle it, you know? And I've faced it from day 1 and am doing all I can with my doctors to prevent damage. Who knows how much damage my ma's got in the past 4 years. But then I guess at least she had 53 years free from it where as I only had 23.

Ok this is getting to be a really long serious post. It's not all doom and gloom, to be honest I think her going to the doctor is a positive thing and hopefully she can get some relief in the next year or so. And we're both still active and relatively well and there's no point worrying about what might happen.

And it's the WEEKEND!! And I'm going to visit friends down south in Brighton and I have Monday off work. So..hooray!
Have a good one, folks.